Things are changing in the Riveter household. Again. Perpetually really. Kids are growing up, my waistline has been growing out, and this period of my life has started coming to a close. That means I have to figure out where I’m going and how I’m going to get there. It has meant that I needed to take a good long hard look at where I’m at, where I want to be, and what I’ve done so far. I thought I’d share where I hope 2020 is going to go for me, and the plan I have for getting there.
A Year Without Food
Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. You can take a foodie out of the kitchen, but you can’t take the kitchen out of the foodie. But, I need to develop some new healthy coping mechanisms and 2020 is the year I’m going to do it.
Living with my mom has been hard. I’ve taken to eating my feelings rather than dealing with the drama. This has not done anything good for my waistline. I set 160 lbs as my “you shall not pass” weight, and I’ve passed it and kept right on going. But worse, my energy is decreasing, I’m getting sick more often, and my depression has taken over my life. I can’t deal with this anymore. I just can’t. I’ve come so far from the 300-pound girl I was 5 years ago and I am not going back there.
So, I’m going to focus less on my cooking skills and more on my life outside of the kitchen. I’m going to reclaim my health and focus on fixing what is broken both mentally and physically.
Will I still post recipes? Probably more than I did in 2019. But I will not be living each day focused on food and on the next recipe I’ll make. I will be stretching myself and growing. I have already started a few non-food related hobbies. Custom tumbler making, 3D printing, and I’d like to rededicate myself to learning photography. Who knows what other things I’ll pick-up. Curiosity may kill my wallet, but I just can’t stop myself from wanting to learn more new skills!
A Year of Letting Go
My son Benjamin will graduate from high school in May. Twenty-one years to the day from when I graduated from high school. He has decided to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We’re in preparation mode for that now, he doesn’t know where he’ll be sent or when he’ll be leaving. However, this is gonna be extremely hard for me. Ben is my concert companion, my sous chef, and one of my best friends. I hate separation and being apart from him for two years is going to really test the both of us.
I’m super proud of the choice he’s made to offer service to the Lord. I can’t wait to see what he does, who he becomes, and the changes that will come. I’m terrified, proud, and sad at the same time.
At the same time that I’m preparing to let go of my son, my father has been diagnosed with dementia. I spent two weeks with him at the end of November through the first week of December. Watching a man who I’ve always viewed as my strength crumble and become someone I barely recognize has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. There is a high probability that I will lose him this year. And while I have a strong testimony that there is a life after this one and that we are an eternal family, I will miss his sage bits of wisdom being available at just a phone call and his earthly presence. Of course, he could live another decade, but I wouldn’t want that for him – I want him to go and be out of pain and return to the Father of us all.
A Year of Professional Growth
My youngest son will graduate from high school in 2022… and I’ll be an empty nester. At 41 years old. I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself. Go back to school? Travel? Start a business? The world is my oyster, but I have been a mom nearly my entire adult life. Who am I without the responsibility of raising my boys?
At that point, my mom has plans to move back to Arizona and my husband and I will need to make plans for ourselves. Ben will return home from his mission around that time, Sean will leave on his mission.
Kevin and I would like to buy a home with a little bit of land to accomplish some goals/dreams that we have. That is expensive in Utah right now. So, I decided that in 2020, I need to double my personal income so that we can pay off some debt and build up the savings we need to accomplish our goals. Goals that we really haven’t set in stone yet.
I started taking some more programming classes and I’m building projects that I’ve had floating around in my head for years. When going for a programming job, your git repository is your portfolio – so I’ve been actively committing code to my account. This will show my progress, my dedication, and will give me credibility as I try to move up in my career.
This has also caused me to say no to myself on food projects and social events. This has caused me to say no to family and friends that want me to come to play. And it has caused me to release some control over the many responsibilities I have been juggling for far too long. If something doesn’t get done, but these goals get accomplished – I will survive.
These Are Not New Years Resolutions… But They are Goals for the Upcoming Year.
This is where my lifelong motto of, “you can do anything with a plan” comes in. Combine that with the adage that “goals that are not written down are just dreams” and you can see why I am writing this blog post. Plus, I hope this helps someone else do some introspection and they will write some goals too.
- Eat healthily and get back to being physically active. I’d say I don’t care about my weight number, but I do. I’d like to get back below 160. But, more important is being healthy.
- Find a therapist and get healthier in my head, not just in my body.
- Double my income by developing my skill set and focusing on what is important without distraction.
- As close to debt-free in 2020 as we can be with healthy savings started to buy our 2-3 acres of land and a home in 2022.
- Say no to myself and to others without explanation. There are only 24-hours in a day… I can’t do everything.
- Prepare my sons and my husband and me for the future. Support them in their independence and build some independence for me. Decide what the next big challenge is going to be once the boys have grown and set some goals for the next decade.
As I progress with these goals, I will be tracking my progress and discussing what I’m learning and how I’m doing here. The plan, inevitably, will change. That’s okay. Changing the plan just pushes you further in the direction you should go. You still have a plan. I’m so excited to see what happens in 2020 personally. I hope you’ll come along with me.